How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
