"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
