You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
