I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
