no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
