apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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