Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
