I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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