We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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