zippers are such a cool invention
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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