so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
