life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
