i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
