lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
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i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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