tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
