So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
is that a dick in a sweater?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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