i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
