I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
