If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
