i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
