dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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