Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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