At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
