we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he thought i was a dude.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
