high people should be assigned attendants
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
