I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
this is an emotional support booty call
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
