its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
