Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
