dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
