I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
