Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't deserve a penis
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
