Sry I called you an 8
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
