and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
