Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
