Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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