so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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