Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
