Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
