I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
