thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
