The maid of honor just puked.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
