how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
