it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i came on her dog
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
