I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
