Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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