I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
