And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
