Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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