I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
