my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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