He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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