ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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