Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
