The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
