I think im going to throw up on grandma
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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