Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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