If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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