Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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