we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
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Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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