Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
