I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
