We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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