I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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