Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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