we're blogging at a bar
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
